When What You’re Seeking is NOT Seeking You…

Let’s face it, we can’t always have what we want.  There will be times in your life when the person you desire is just simply not desiring you back, hence what you’re seeking is not seeking you. This can be really devastating and at times quite difficult to get through and over.

Your mind can take over and begin to talk to you in a negative manner with thoughts of not being worthy enough of having someone you truly care about and then having that someone reciprocating in the same way.

Before you go into a downward spiral, consider these options.

Be True to You:

First and foremost, you matter.  Did you hear me? YOU MATTER! One of the best things you can do is to create distance between you and the other person.  Constant reminders of someone who is not feeling the same way about you will only crush your heart and continue the negative thoughts pouring in. Remove this person from your social media platforms (this way you can’t stalk them…because you know you want to). This will help with the urge to peek into their online life and what time they were last seen online. Remove anything from your personal space that reminds you of this person. Either give it back or throw it away (that might actually feel quite good).

Take Time for You:

Healing may be just what the doctor ordered. Consider treating yourself to a getaway.  No matter what your budget may be, you should be able to find a few days away somewhere suitable for you.  Get away with yourself somewhere so you can dive deep into you and release this person from your body, mind and soul.  It could give you a new perspective about yourself and where you want to go in your life. You may realize the person you need to be in a relationship with is YOU.  Get to know yourself again and this way when you’re ready and feeling amazing, the right person will be presented into your life and I can guarantee this person will be THAT MUCH MORE AMAZING than the one you have released.

Learn the Lesson(s):

Every relationship you encounter in your life is presented with lessons for you to learn.  You are both teacher and student to one another. Take reminders from the relationship or person and learn the lesson so you can move on and be even better for yourself. Then consider writing down what you want from a person in a relationship and what you want from the relationship itself.

 

Disappearing Acts in Dating – Ghosting

Let’s talk about it…has it happened to you?  Is it happening to you now with a woman you like? Or worse yet, have you actually done this to a woman? One moment you’re having dinner with someone on a date, hoping this will go somewhere and the next moment you never hear from them again. The term in the dating/relationship world is called ghosting.

What is ghosting exactly?  According to our friends over at Urban Dictionary  , ghosting is the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone. Let’s say the subject is dating and you no longer wish to date the other person. So then, you ghost them.  You cease all communication in hopes the other person gets the hint and will leave you alone (for good) instead of having an actual adult conversation with them to let them know you’re no longer interested.

Immature? Yes.

Some people feel ghosting someone will hurt their feelings less when in actuality, it can cause major confusion on behalf of the ghostee. This is a serious lack of communication skills from the ghoster and aside from a sense of confusion, the ghostee also never gets closure on the situation and is left in a state of bewilderment. The lack of ‘why’ is frustrating.

The world of dating is not an easy one and in a day and age where we can just ‘shut someone off’ by unfriending them, blocking them or ignoring takes the core element of relating and communicating to a whole sinking low level.

There are other ways to tell someone you’re dating that you are no longer interested in them:

  1. Have an actual face to face conversation (it’s a new thing)
  2. Have an actual phone conversation (remember talking?…on the phone?)
  3. Pass them a note in the hallway between classes

In a time of easy outs, expressing your opinion hiding behind your laptop and ghosting, it’s time to take the high road when it comes to relationships and letting someone ‘down’ easy.  Pull up the big boy/girl panties and be an adult about it.  If you’re adult enough to enter into a relationship, you’re also adult enough to exit one.

If you feel are experiencing relationship issues of any kind, I can help.  You can schedule an appointment with me for a psychic relationship/love reading by visiting HERE.

 

 

 

The Power From Within

No matter what kind of relationship you have with someone, people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  In other words, it’s not just some chance encounter as nothing is ever coincidence. They are there to be your teacher so you can learn whatever lesson(s) you need to learn.  And believe it or not, you’re doing the exact same thing for them.

This got me thinking about the men that I had dated during my life and my marriage which ended officially (documents and all) in June 2017.  As I was thinking about each relationship, I noticed one common thread that was sewn throughout each one.

I gave my power away…

…to every man I was in a serious relationship with since college.

I gave my power away.  I gave my power away.  I gave my power away.

To me, this screams self-worth issues, abandonment issues (fear of losing them), and I certainly had very low self-love and actually zero self-confidence. Some of these relationships would be considered emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive, not to mention controlling and manipulative.

Thinking about this breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes as I can’t believe I allowed myself to be treated in this fashion. I did not stand up for myself and if I did, I knew I would be on the receiving end of someone screaming at me and gas lighting me. If you’re not familiar with the term gas lighting, according to google dictionary:

manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.

Isn’t that fucked up?  Just so you’re aware, this is a VERY common thing, so if you’re in a relationship where you feel this is occurring (whether you’re male or female), know that is it NOT right, NOT healthy and a form of mental abuse.

When I gave my power away, I found that I was fearful about speaking up for how I was truly feeling with specific situations. I would go along with what my partner ultimately wanted and since I was a people-pleaser their happiness always came before my own. If I did not want to do something, I would still do it…always wanting to please and then feeling like shit afterward.

I was always putting my partner first and 100% completely undermining my needs, my wants, my values, my morals, my worth, my love and my very own self-respect. Yes, there is such a thing as putting others before you, but you must know to do so without jeopardizing your own identity.  In trying to fix, to help, to rescue others, I lost myself in the process.

If you’ve ever flown on an airplane before, what do the flight attendants always tell you about the oxygen masks?

Place YOUR mask on YOU FIRST, then assist others. 

You can’t be something to someone if you aren’t something to yourself first. Learn to trust yourself.  Learn to listen to your inner guidance system because it will never steer you in the wrong direction.  It’s what most people refer to as ‘your gut.’  What does your gut tell you?  It’s time you started to listen to it because THAT is where your power lies.

 

 

 

My Story

It is through my life journey that I will be able to reach others who might be experiencing similar situations. I hope every woman in the world knows her self-worth, above all else, is what is most important. It is then & only then that true happiness can exist because it starts within you first.

The stories I share with you are from my perspective & personal experiences as seen through my eyes and told through my voice. Names & places have been changed to protect the innocent.

Please be sure to start where all journeys do…from the beginning.  There is still more to write on the story of how I left my husband. Be sure to check back.

http://embracingurself.blogspot.com/