When What You’re Seeking is NOT Seeking You…

Let’s face it, we can’t always have what we want.  There will be times in your life when the person you desire is just simply not desiring you back, hence what you’re seeking is not seeking you. This can be really devastating and at times quite difficult to get through and over.

Your mind can take over and begin to talk to you in a negative manner with thoughts of not being worthy enough of having someone you truly care about and then having that someone reciprocating in the same way.

Before you go into a downward spiral, consider these options.

Be True to You:

First and foremost, you matter.  Did you hear me? YOU MATTER! One of the best things you can do is to create distance between you and the other person.  Constant reminders of someone who is not feeling the same way about you will only crush your heart and continue the negative thoughts pouring in. Remove this person from your social media platforms (this way you can’t stalk them…because you know you want to). This will help with the urge to peek into their online life and what time they were last seen online. Remove anything from your personal space that reminds you of this person. Either give it back or throw it away (that might actually feel quite good).

Take Time for You:

Healing may be just what the doctor ordered. Consider treating yourself to a getaway.  No matter what your budget may be, you should be able to find a few days away somewhere suitable for you.  Get away with yourself somewhere so you can dive deep into you and release this person from your body, mind and soul.  It could give you a new perspective about yourself and where you want to go in your life. You may realize the person you need to be in a relationship with is YOU.  Get to know yourself again and this way when you’re ready and feeling amazing, the right person will be presented into your life and I can guarantee this person will be THAT MUCH MORE AMAZING than the one you have released.

Learn the Lesson(s):

Every relationship you encounter in your life is presented with lessons for you to learn.  You are both teacher and student to one another. Take reminders from the relationship or person and learn the lesson so you can move on and be even better for yourself. Then consider writing down what you want from a person in a relationship and what you want from the relationship itself.

 

Learning to Trust Yourself

Learning to trust yourself can be quite the obstacle to overcome in life. Some people have no issues with this at all but on the flip side, many struggle making decisions and being at peace in knowing the right decision was made.

There are many outside influences that can have dramatic effects on how you feel before, during and after making big life decisions. The first thing to realize is that you matter and what you want from your life does too. You need to seriously assess where you are in your life, where you want to go, what responsibilities you currently are obligated to and then all of the other details associated with it. One other thing to consider is how your decision will perhaps affect others in your life.

For example, my life has been filled with wanting to always please other people and most times, never putting myself first. When I made the decision to move to Costa Rica from the United States in August 2017, I knew in my heart of hearts it was the right thing to do for me. I had limited responsibilities in my life during this time but I also knew deciding to move would impact my family and my dogs. I was being pulled by the Universe to make this move, to trust myself, to trust in the process and the guidance I was receiving, even if it meant my heart was being broken because I knew I had to give guardianship of my two dogs to my ex-husband. It was now his turn and time to care for them during their precious senior years. Not only that, but also knowing I would be saying, ‘See you soon’ to my very beloved family and friends immediately brought tears to my eyes.

Will you have naysayers? Yes, you will. There is no way around it. When you begin to hear the negative chatter surrounding the decision you made, you can rest assured that most people saying things to you have your best interest at heart. Whatever reason it is that they feel compelled to share their opinion, you WILL hear their voices in your head, you WILL question yourself, you WILL doubt. Rest assured, this is where learning to trust yourself and standing in your power of your decision will keep you grounded so you can continue to move forward along your chosen path.

This is your life. No one will ever have the exact same experiences that you have living your life and being your true authentic self. Don’t live your life being in the passenger seat while allowing someone else to drive for you. You’re not going to be on your death bed regretting all the things you did but you will be on your death bed regretting all of those experiences you did not do. Don’t have regret. Don’t live in fear. You only have one lifetime. Learning to trust in yourself is what will make your life such an amazing experience for you. Lay on your death bed with a huge grin on your face knowing you lived your life for you; knowing you enjoyed the ride and experiences; knowing you made a difference; knowing you loved hard; knowing you trusted yourself.

Self-Love is Your Greatest Gift

Being a spiritual advisor, the majority of the questions most people have for me are related to love and relationships.  Most want to know if the person they are dating will be their life partner, soulmate or twin flame.  A lot of the scenarios and situations that cross my path honestly break my heart.  I want to reach out through my laptop to those asking the questions (mostly women) and tell them they are worthy of the most amazing, loving, caring, reciprocated relationship if they simply re-direct their focus onto one thing:  Self-Love.

Most of us have not really been taught the art of loving thyself.  We are constantly on the quest to find ‘the one’ that we miss the most important one of all…ourselves. In order for you to really get the love you want and deserve, you must start with yourself first.  Self love is simply the regard for your own well-being and happiness.  No one has control over this but you.  One thing we must remember is that it is okay to put yourself first.

Loving yourself first is the greatest gift you can give to yourself.  But what does loving yourself look like?  It is and should be different for each and every person. Self love comes in many forms ranging from treating yourself to a massage or a spa treatment for complete relaxation and releasing of negative energies and toxins to knowing your worth and not putting up with anyone’s mistreatment of you.  By mistreatment I mean any kind of abuse from mental and emotional to spiritual and physical.  What is your worth?

Did you know that you actually teach someone in the first 6-months of any kind of relationship how to treat you.  If you do not set healthy boundaries within those first 6-months you might be entering into a relationship that is not the healthiest for you and it will be more difficult for you to set your self love boundaries moving forward.  Of course do not give up hope but if you find yourself heading down a path in a relationship that may be negative, you may need to sit with yourself, get centered and make a decision that is best for you.

When you love yourself first you are setting a precedence for many positive relationships, situations and opportunities to come into your life.  You may not realize it at first but it will happen.  Keep your self love practice rolling each and every day.  Remember, it can be walking in nature alone to get grounded to giving yourself 15 minutes a day for journaling and meditation. Nothing is more sacred than the love you give yourself.

Stephanie is a Psychic Empath, Energy Healer and Empowerment Coach.  If you would like a reading with her or another kind of session, please click here.

Fear

It’s because I listened to that voice from within and that knowing sensation I felt in my gut, that I was able to make a life changing decision to follow my heart and all of the signs the Universe was bestowing upon me, and I packed up and moved to Costa Rica in September 2017.  It was something that prior to me visiting there for a five-day vacation in early August 2017, that I was not planning…like…at all.  I knew I wanted to move somewhere and all I kept telling the Universe was wherever I moved to, I had to be very close to water and nature.  It was as if I placed a direct order with the Universe.  It was a vacation that forever changed me.  I knew within the first four hours of standing on the beach in Dominical, that I was supposed to be here…permanently. And I made it happen in forty-four days.

I am telling you this story because had I not listened to my heart’s desire, had I not heard every download from the Universe and flat out not watched for every single sign screaming at me that this was the right thing to do, I would have succumb to the fear that was just one step behind my every two steps forward.  And I would be miserable living a life that I knew I did not really want anymore living in a country that I continued to feel separate from and I would not BE my true, authentic self.

Fear is the one emotion that can cause you to simply stop moving forward with anything in your life. Often too many cave into it.  Fear of the unknown; Fear of the what-ifs. There is the constant worry about the future, as in, things that have not even taken place yet…and this means they are not real. So why are we worrying about them now?

Fear can hold you back from your dreams and doing what your soul yearns to do in this lifetime. Learning to trust what you know to be right for you can and will propel you forward. The more you are able to recognize the fear you hold within, the more you are able to release this emotion from your system(s). And soon you will become, fearless.  You just have to believe in yourself, if you don’t who will?

 

Stephanie is a psychic empath (amongst other things) who offers reading and coaching sessions worldwide. If you’re interested in having a reading with her, please click here to schedule an appointment.

 

Me, Myself and I – The Three Most Important People in Your Life

Self-worth.  The loss of it can have dramatic effects on how people view themselves in relationships and can often lead to being ‘stuck’ in unhealthy relationships from verbal and mental abuse, to physical and emotional abuse.  I’m going to be talking about women in this post because the majority of questions I get from my work as a Spiritual Advisor with PsychicTXT  are from women…mainly those in their twenties and thirties.

The questions I get from them are mostly about romance and the men they currently have or want in their lives. And each time I read a question from someone to help provide them with guidance, it truly pains my heart.  It takes all of my will to not reach through my cell phone to them to just hug and hold them.  Somewhere along the way they have lost their self-worth which truly is a sense of your value or worth as a person.  What I find happening is they are putting all of their energy into relationships and men who are not for their Highest Good.  The women feel if it is not this person then there will be no other man on the planet, in this lifetime, who will want them.  They are putting their value and worth in the opinion, the actions and words of the other person in the relationship.  This is not healthy and a guaranteed one way ticket to co-dependency.

I encounter many women in relationships whose boyfriend, spouse, or partner is treating them poorly and/or cheating on them. And I am asked if the guy will come back to them or what they have done to make the guy do these things (because heaven forbid someone take responsibility for their actions/words).  These relationships are making women question everything about themselves and why they are not good enough in the eyes of their partner. And it breaks my heart.

It all begins with self-love.  Self-love is the big trunk of the tree with self-worth, self-care, self-empowerment and all of the other selves being the branches that stretch out from the trunk.  The trunk needs to be solid with a firm foundation for the branches of the tree to survive.  If the foundation is not solid, the tree may crumble and take quite a long time to heal and become whole again.

How does one go about practicing self-love? My mom told me once, there are only three people I need be concerned with and that is Me, Myself and I. I will never forget her telling me this.  Although I learned many lessons from my personal experience, these three people always stay close to me…because Me, Myself and I IS me.

Setting boundaries in ALL relationships is one of the factors that go into self-love.  It’s important to do this so people know where you stand with them and they do not walk all over you. At times it is difficult to set boundaries (especially with loved ones) but once they are set (and limits will be tested in some cases), it’s important adhere to them.

Remember this, you teach people how to treat you from day one of an encounter.  If you allow someone to walk all over you from the beginning, they will continue to do so because you have not set the boundary with them. If you constantly give, give, give in the beginning of a relationship and are not receiving anything in return (an energy exchange), you will get burned out or worse yet, continue to give because that’s what’s expected from you. I have been there to the point of which something had to give or I was going to crack.  I had nothing left to give the person I was in a relationship with at the time and ended the relationship because I was no longer giving to myself.  Who was more important in this relationship?  Me.

If this sounds like you, I ask you this.  Get a notebook or journal.  Write down ten ways you will practice self-love. If ten is too many, do five.  Here are a few examples of ways you can practice self-love:

  1. Take time for rest and relaxation
  2. Buy yourself flowers
  3. Treat yourself to a massage
  4. Organize something you have been putting off (organization helps reduce stress which is self love)
  5. Light candles, put on your favorite music and cozy up with a great book

These are pretty easy things you can do for yourself that do not cost a lot of money.

If you are interested in learning more about how I can assist you via coaching in practicing self-love with my creation of the Exploration of the Selves, touch base with me at my website: www.StephanieDeni.com

The Power From Within

No matter what kind of relationship you have with someone, people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  In other words, it’s not just some chance encounter as nothing is ever coincidence. They are there to be your teacher so you can learn whatever lesson(s) you need to learn.  And believe it or not, you’re doing the exact same thing for them.

This got me thinking about the men that I had dated during my life and my marriage which ended officially (documents and all) in June 2017.  As I was thinking about each relationship, I noticed one common thread that was sewn throughout each one.

I gave my power away…

…to every man I was in a serious relationship with since college.

I gave my power away.  I gave my power away.  I gave my power away.

To me, this screams self-worth issues, abandonment issues (fear of losing them), and I certainly had very low self-love and actually zero self-confidence. Some of these relationships would be considered emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive, not to mention controlling and manipulative.

Thinking about this breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes as I can’t believe I allowed myself to be treated in this fashion. I did not stand up for myself and if I did, I knew I would be on the receiving end of someone screaming at me and gas lighting me. If you’re not familiar with the term gas lighting, according to google dictionary:

manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.

Isn’t that fucked up?  Just so you’re aware, this is a VERY common thing, so if you’re in a relationship where you feel this is occurring (whether you’re male or female), know that is it NOT right, NOT healthy and a form of mental abuse.

When I gave my power away, I found that I was fearful about speaking up for how I was truly feeling with specific situations. I would go along with what my partner ultimately wanted and since I was a people-pleaser their happiness always came before my own. If I did not want to do something, I would still do it…always wanting to please and then feeling like shit afterward.

I was always putting my partner first and 100% completely undermining my needs, my wants, my values, my morals, my worth, my love and my very own self-respect. Yes, there is such a thing as putting others before you, but you must know to do so without jeopardizing your own identity.  In trying to fix, to help, to rescue others, I lost myself in the process.

If you’ve ever flown on an airplane before, what do the flight attendants always tell you about the oxygen masks?

Place YOUR mask on YOU FIRST, then assist others. 

You can’t be something to someone if you aren’t something to yourself first. Learn to trust yourself.  Learn to listen to your inner guidance system because it will never steer you in the wrong direction.  It’s what most people refer to as ‘your gut.’  What does your gut tell you?  It’s time you started to listen to it because THAT is where your power lies.