One Sweet Day

It was just the other day that I was laying out next to the pool, on a lounge chair under the sunny, blue sky in Costa Rica, when I decided to try a playlist from called 90’s Summer Hip Hop.  Upon hearing just the first song, I was immediately transported to another day and time in my life. A time when things just seemed so much easier, so much lighter, so much freer. My thoughts fired instantaneously to my high school friends and the 4 years that we had spent together, day in and day out.  When our biggest worries were passing exams, auditioning for musicals, trying out for sports, and what we were going on wear on dress down Fridays.

Looking back now, I realize the innocence of those moments in our lives that we shared with each other. It was a very precious time and the memories of those years continue to haunt my mind as I attempt to relive them on occasion, most specifically when I hear songs and music of our era.  For that is what truly takes me back and I can be shifted to a specific moment shared with my classmates from one song.

Even post graduation, those summers in between college semesters when most of us would go home, we would still hang out, go out, chill out  and just be with each other as much as possible.

And now, thanks to social media we’re able to stay in touch on a daily basis no matter where we live on this planet. We’ve had many reunions, 5-year, 10-year and so forth.  And even mini reunions for those who could make it out for a night. It’s truly amazing how when you’re with the beautiful souls of your youth, and aside from the body’s little signs of aging, it’s as if no time has passed.

We’ve lost several of our beloved classmates and friends over the years. Each time when I learn that a classmate has passed away, I simply cannot believe it. Weren’t we all just 16 years old wondering what we were going to wear to the school dance?  Such a moment happened in late 2016 upon receiving the shocking news that a good friend from high school passed away. It was a truly devastating time for all of us because it seemed so surreal. And it was.

While I have only shared this with a few people, for some reason, I’m being compelled and pushed to share it with all of you. Several months after my friend’s funeral, I was woken up from what felt like a very, VERY real dream experience.  What I was viewing in my dream state was crystal clear and I can still see it all playing out in my mind as I write this. Here we go:

In my dream, I was called to the hospital because of the news that my friend was awake and everything was okay.  I get to his hospital room and stand behind a group of people who were sobbing tears of joy because they could not believe the miracle that my friend was awake and walking around. As I was straining to see where he was in the room, the bathroom door all of a sudden opens and my friend walks out.  He looked just like himself but in a hospital gown.  I was still straining to see him over the heads of the other people standing in front of me when he saw me, opened his arms in a hug formation and gestured with his hands for me to come over and get a hug from him.  So I did.  And after the hug, he looks at me and said, ‘Oh my gosh, Stephanie, they’re playing the song. Look.’  As I turned to see what song was playing on the television at that moment in my dream, I was floored.  I heard the song in my dream…and then I woke up.

A few weeks after I experienced my dream, I’m in the car sharing my dream story with a friend when the song comes on the radio.  I just could not believe it. The synchronicity was crazy.

My dream was so life like, so real, that I knew it was a heaven sent message. As I said earlier, for whatever reason, I have had an urging and a nudge inside of me to share this over the past 24 hours.  Maybe someone out there needs to read this. Maybe someone out there needs to hear the song. Whatever the reason may be, I hope it brings someone out there peace in their heart.

 

Learning to Trust Yourself

Learning to trust yourself can be quite the obstacle to overcome in life. Some people have no issues with this at all but on the flip side, many struggle making decisions and being at peace in knowing the right decision was made.

There are many outside influences that can have dramatic effects on how you feel before, during and after making big life decisions. The first thing to realize is that you matter and what you want from your life does too. You need to seriously assess where you are in your life, where you want to go, what responsibilities you currently are obligated to and then all of the other details associated with it. One other thing to consider is how your decision will perhaps affect others in your life.

For example, my life has been filled with wanting to always please other people and most times, never putting myself first. When I made the decision to move to Costa Rica from the United States in August 2017, I knew in my heart of hearts it was the right thing to do for me. I had limited responsibilities in my life during this time but I also knew deciding to move would impact my family and my dogs. I was being pulled by the Universe to make this move, to trust myself, to trust in the process and the guidance I was receiving, even if it meant my heart was being broken because I knew I had to give guardianship of my two dogs to my ex-husband. It was now his turn and time to care for them during their precious senior years. Not only that, but also knowing I would be saying, ‘See you soon’ to my very beloved family and friends immediately brought tears to my eyes.

Will you have naysayers? Yes, you will. There is no way around it. When you begin to hear the negative chatter surrounding the decision you made, you can rest assured that most people saying things to you have your best interest at heart. Whatever reason it is that they feel compelled to share their opinion, you WILL hear their voices in your head, you WILL question yourself, you WILL doubt. Rest assured, this is where learning to trust yourself and standing in your power of your decision will keep you grounded so you can continue to move forward along your chosen path.

This is your life. No one will ever have the exact same experiences that you have living your life and being your true authentic self. Don’t live your life being in the passenger seat while allowing someone else to drive for you. You’re not going to be on your death bed regretting all the things you did but you will be on your death bed regretting all of those experiences you did not do. Don’t have regret. Don’t live in fear. You only have one lifetime. Learning to trust in yourself is what will make your life such an amazing experience for you. Lay on your death bed with a huge grin on your face knowing you lived your life for you; knowing you enjoyed the ride and experiences; knowing you made a difference; knowing you loved hard; knowing you trusted yourself.

Self-Love is Your Greatest Gift

Being a spiritual advisor, the majority of the questions most people have for me are related to love and relationships.  Most want to know if the person they are dating will be their life partner, soulmate or twin flame.  A lot of the scenarios and situations that cross my path honestly break my heart.  I want to reach out through my laptop to those asking the questions (mostly women) and tell them they are worthy of the most amazing, loving, caring, reciprocated relationship if they simply re-direct their focus onto one thing:  Self-Love.

Most of us have not really been taught the art of loving thyself.  We are constantly on the quest to find ‘the one’ that we miss the most important one of all…ourselves. In order for you to really get the love you want and deserve, you must start with yourself first.  Self love is simply the regard for your own well-being and happiness.  No one has control over this but you.  One thing we must remember is that it is okay to put yourself first.

Loving yourself first is the greatest gift you can give to yourself.  But what does loving yourself look like?  It is and should be different for each and every person. Self love comes in many forms ranging from treating yourself to a massage or a spa treatment for complete relaxation and releasing of negative energies and toxins to knowing your worth and not putting up with anyone’s mistreatment of you.  By mistreatment I mean any kind of abuse from mental and emotional to spiritual and physical.  What is your worth?

Did you know that you actually teach someone in the first 6-months of any kind of relationship how to treat you.  If you do not set healthy boundaries within those first 6-months you might be entering into a relationship that is not the healthiest for you and it will be more difficult for you to set your self love boundaries moving forward.  Of course do not give up hope but if you find yourself heading down a path in a relationship that may be negative, you may need to sit with yourself, get centered and make a decision that is best for you.

When you love yourself first you are setting a precedence for many positive relationships, situations and opportunities to come into your life.  You may not realize it at first but it will happen.  Keep your self love practice rolling each and every day.  Remember, it can be walking in nature alone to get grounded to giving yourself 15 minutes a day for journaling and meditation. Nothing is more sacred than the love you give yourself.

Stephanie is a Psychic Empath, Energy Healer and Empowerment Coach.  If you would like a reading with her or another kind of session, please click here.

Fear

It’s because I listened to that voice from within and that knowing sensation I felt in my gut, that I was able to make a life changing decision to follow my heart and all of the signs the Universe was bestowing upon me, and I packed up and moved to Costa Rica in September 2017.  It was something that prior to me visiting there for a five-day vacation in early August 2017, that I was not planning…like…at all.  I knew I wanted to move somewhere and all I kept telling the Universe was wherever I moved to, I had to be very close to water and nature.  It was as if I placed a direct order with the Universe.  It was a vacation that forever changed me.  I knew within the first four hours of standing on the beach in Dominical, that I was supposed to be here…permanently. And I made it happen in forty-four days.

I am telling you this story because had I not listened to my heart’s desire, had I not heard every download from the Universe and flat out not watched for every single sign screaming at me that this was the right thing to do, I would have succumb to the fear that was just one step behind my every two steps forward.  And I would be miserable living a life that I knew I did not really want anymore living in a country that I continued to feel separate from and I would not BE my true, authentic self.

Fear is the one emotion that can cause you to simply stop moving forward with anything in your life. Often too many cave into it.  Fear of the unknown; Fear of the what-ifs. There is the constant worry about the future, as in, things that have not even taken place yet…and this means they are not real. So why are we worrying about them now?

Fear can hold you back from your dreams and doing what your soul yearns to do in this lifetime. Learning to trust what you know to be right for you can and will propel you forward. The more you are able to recognize the fear you hold within, the more you are able to release this emotion from your system(s). And soon you will become, fearless.  You just have to believe in yourself, if you don’t who will?

 

Stephanie is a psychic empath (amongst other things) who offers reading and coaching sessions worldwide. If you’re interested in having a reading with her, please click here to schedule an appointment.

 

Disappearing Acts in Dating – Ghosting

Let’s talk about it…has it happened to you?  Is it happening to you now with a woman you like? Or worse yet, have you actually done this to a woman? One moment you’re having dinner with someone on a date, hoping this will go somewhere and the next moment you never hear from them again. The term in the dating/relationship world is called ghosting.

What is ghosting exactly?  According to our friends over at Urban Dictionary  , ghosting is the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone. Let’s say the subject is dating and you no longer wish to date the other person. So then, you ghost them.  You cease all communication in hopes the other person gets the hint and will leave you alone (for good) instead of having an actual adult conversation with them to let them know you’re no longer interested.

Immature? Yes.

Some people feel ghosting someone will hurt their feelings less when in actuality, it can cause major confusion on behalf of the ghostee. This is a serious lack of communication skills from the ghoster and aside from a sense of confusion, the ghostee also never gets closure on the situation and is left in a state of bewilderment. The lack of ‘why’ is frustrating.

The world of dating is not an easy one and in a day and age where we can just ‘shut someone off’ by unfriending them, blocking them or ignoring takes the core element of relating and communicating to a whole sinking low level.

There are other ways to tell someone you’re dating that you are no longer interested in them:

  1. Have an actual face to face conversation (it’s a new thing)
  2. Have an actual phone conversation (remember talking?…on the phone?)
  3. Pass them a note in the hallway between classes

In a time of easy outs, expressing your opinion hiding behind your laptop and ghosting, it’s time to take the high road when it comes to relationships and letting someone ‘down’ easy.  Pull up the big boy/girl panties and be an adult about it.  If you’re adult enough to enter into a relationship, you’re also adult enough to exit one.

If you feel are experiencing relationship issues of any kind, I can help.  You can schedule an appointment with me for a psychic relationship/love reading by visiting HERE.

 

 

 

Twin Flame or Soulmate

The twin flame relationship. Many may have heard about it but do you really truly know and understand what the twin flame relationship is all about? Is it similar to the soulmate relationship?

This kind of relationship is the ultimate relationship to have in your lifetime but many people have no idea just how insanely difficult and upsetting a twin flame relationship can be.

Time and time again, I am asked by clients if their partner is their twin or when they will meet their twin flame. Being in a twin flame relationship with someone can be one of the most rewarding,most intimate, passionate experiences we can have as a human. Yet, it can also be one of the most challenging and painful relationships to encounter through all of the different phases.

People can encounter their twin flame over many different lifetimes and not come together because one or both souls are not vibrating at a high enough frequency to be able to come together and do the work necessary to make this relationship an amazing, unconditional love union based on service.

Can your twin flame also be a soulmate?  Yes, however, unlike soulmates which are our perfect match, twin flames are our perfect mirror.  Your twin flame is a mirror and direct reflection of issues your ego is dealing with that will rise up to the surface for you work through and heal in order for you to move forward in the relationship.  These may be issues that even stem from childhood. Either way the twin flame relationship is intensely passionate, can be on again, off again and at times can also be very painful.

I believe that we have many soulmates in our lifetimes.  It is not just one person and the soulmate relationship is not always an intimate, romantic relationship.  Your soulmate(s) can be a family member, best friend, lover…really anyone you have a significant connection with or anyone who you feel bonded to. A soul mate will help you grow in life, and will help you evolve and grow into your true self. (rebelcircus)

A twin flame shares many similarities with a soulmate. A twin flame can also be your soulmate, but to a more extreme level. According to thespiritscience.net, twin flames derive from the same soul, and are separated into two when they are created. Often times, people believe two twin flames are halves that make up one whole, however upon splitting, they become their own soul.

 

Me, Myself and I – The Three Most Important People in Your Life

Self-worth.  The loss of it can have dramatic effects on how people view themselves in relationships and can often lead to being ‘stuck’ in unhealthy relationships from verbal and mental abuse, to physical and emotional abuse.  I’m going to be talking about women in this post because the majority of questions I get from my work as a Spiritual Advisor with PsychicTXT  are from women…mainly those in their twenties and thirties.

The questions I get from them are mostly about romance and the men they currently have or want in their lives. And each time I read a question from someone to help provide them with guidance, it truly pains my heart.  It takes all of my will to not reach through my cell phone to them to just hug and hold them.  Somewhere along the way they have lost their self-worth which truly is a sense of your value or worth as a person.  What I find happening is they are putting all of their energy into relationships and men who are not for their Highest Good.  The women feel if it is not this person then there will be no other man on the planet, in this lifetime, who will want them.  They are putting their value and worth in the opinion, the actions and words of the other person in the relationship.  This is not healthy and a guaranteed one way ticket to co-dependency.

I encounter many women in relationships whose boyfriend, spouse, or partner is treating them poorly and/or cheating on them. And I am asked if the guy will come back to them or what they have done to make the guy do these things (because heaven forbid someone take responsibility for their actions/words).  These relationships are making women question everything about themselves and why they are not good enough in the eyes of their partner. And it breaks my heart.

It all begins with self-love.  Self-love is the big trunk of the tree with self-worth, self-care, self-empowerment and all of the other selves being the branches that stretch out from the trunk.  The trunk needs to be solid with a firm foundation for the branches of the tree to survive.  If the foundation is not solid, the tree may crumble and take quite a long time to heal and become whole again.

How does one go about practicing self-love? My mom told me once, there are only three people I need be concerned with and that is Me, Myself and I. I will never forget her telling me this.  Although I learned many lessons from my personal experience, these three people always stay close to me…because Me, Myself and I IS me.

Setting boundaries in ALL relationships is one of the factors that go into self-love.  It’s important to do this so people know where you stand with them and they do not walk all over you. At times it is difficult to set boundaries (especially with loved ones) but once they are set (and limits will be tested in some cases), it’s important adhere to them.

Remember this, you teach people how to treat you from day one of an encounter.  If you allow someone to walk all over you from the beginning, they will continue to do so because you have not set the boundary with them. If you constantly give, give, give in the beginning of a relationship and are not receiving anything in return (an energy exchange), you will get burned out or worse yet, continue to give because that’s what’s expected from you. I have been there to the point of which something had to give or I was going to crack.  I had nothing left to give the person I was in a relationship with at the time and ended the relationship because I was no longer giving to myself.  Who was more important in this relationship?  Me.

If this sounds like you, I ask you this.  Get a notebook or journal.  Write down ten ways you will practice self-love. If ten is too many, do five.  Here are a few examples of ways you can practice self-love:

  1. Take time for rest and relaxation
  2. Buy yourself flowers
  3. Treat yourself to a massage
  4. Organize something you have been putting off (organization helps reduce stress which is self love)
  5. Light candles, put on your favorite music and cozy up with a great book

These are pretty easy things you can do for yourself that do not cost a lot of money.

If you are interested in learning more about how I can assist you via coaching in practicing self-love with my creation of the Exploration of the Selves, touch base with me at my website: www.StephanieDeni.com

Time to Lay it Down

Few really truly know me. Even less actually ‘get’ me.  And by getting me, I mean know the true essence of who I am, what I stand for, what I believe in…what makes me tick…on the soul level.

Perhaps I have not let many in to be able to fully reveal myself. I’m aware that I do this as a defense mechanism for fear of being judged, not accepted or approved of. I’ve struggled with this my entire life.

Throughout my life I’ve been a people pleaser; always seeking to make others happy so they are not disappointed in me.  This behavior occurred in my relationships ranging from family to friends to my ‘romantic’ relationships. I’ve recognized this pattern of behavior within myself a few years ago.  I’m aware of it, yet at times it still rears it’s ugly head to challenge me to break the pattern. I no longer want to care what others think of my choices, decisions, my way of thinking, my spiritual beliefs. I no longer want to care what others think of me.  I am no longer seeking approval for the choices and decisions I make for myself.  I always respect the opinions of others, however my feeling is if someone does not agree with something I say, do or feel, that is on them, that is not on me.  It is no longer a burden of responsibility that I am willing to carry as it has gotten too heavy to bear and I am laying it down.

I am a deeply sensitive being. Like a badge of honor, I wear my emotions on my sleeve for the world to see.  I not only feel what I feel, most times, I also feel what you feel. My heart overflows with a sense of responsibility to care for many; to be the Light that shines in your moment of darkness.  Yet, at times, I too seek to find that Light in my moments of darkness.

Behind the closed doors in the sacred sanctuary of my apartment I cry with you, I smile with you, I hurt with you and I laugh with you. Tears are shed…a release. Releasing the emotions that I feel, is such a good, healthy thing to do because I simply don’t want them to get rooted within me. Many do not understand this and many never will.

I am a positive, kind person who does my best to see the good in people and situations.  Having a positive perspective on life can be difficult at times as I am human, just like you.  I have my own dragons to slay and some just don’t understand this. I share my outlooks with others in hopes it will help them for a moment in their day and perhaps they will, in turn, pay it forward.  It only has to begin with one person.  My perspective is, if I help one person, animal, etc, it will have a ripple effect and the gesture is much grander in the big picture then in the actual moment.

The journey I have been on since I moved to North Carolina has not been easy.  It has been an introspective map leading me to have met the most beautiful people, experience amazing moments, and it has allowed me to find out who I am and what I want from my life. Now at forty-four years young, I am beginning to understand who I really am and what my soul’s purpose is.

As I move forward, one foot in front of the other, I grow into the human that I was meant to become in this lifetime. Not everyone will understand and that is okay.  At times, I don’t even understand and in those moments I pause, take a deep breath, ask for Guidance, trust and continue with my journey.

 

Home For Christmas

No matter how old I am, there is nothing like the feeling of being at home with my parents. It is 100% my safe zone.  I wanted to run, run, run and in my mind, being back home, I had escaped the matter at hand. Reality, however, would soon follow me when Henry arrived three days later.

It was Thursday evening and Henry was slated to arrive at my parent’s house at 4 a.m. Friday.  Any discussion I have had with Henry, while truthful (for the most part), at this point was to honestly tell him what he wanted to hear.  Was this the best thing to do?  No.  Why did I do this?  I was scared…of him, of us, of the present and the future.  I had given him my power.  It was his way or no way during this time.

I had numerous messaging conversations with Tara about this entire issue and about Henry.  Tara is my sister from another mister.  She knows me like the back of my hand; the good, the bad and the ugly yet through all of that, she still loves me as I love her. When Henry arrived at my parent’s home at 4 in the morning, he greeted the dogs and then was out in the living area for a period of time.

“Wake up.”

“Wake up!”

It was Henry.  He turned the light on as I looked at him in a confused state.  He backs up, takes his wedding ring off and throws it onto the bed toward me.

“I want a divorce.”  He said.

While I knew deep down this is what I ultimately wanted too, his behavior threw me for a loop.

“You left the computer on and I read your messaging conversation with Tara.”  He told me.

“How DARE you bash me like that to her,” he said, “I would NEVER in a million years talk about you that way to ANYONE!”

In truth, I cannot remember this conversation to 100% accuracy.  What I know is that I shared my feelings about Henry to Tara.  Did I mean ill will by it?  No.  I was venting, I was desperate and she was the only person, at the time, I felt I share everything with.  Did I intentionally bash him?  In my mind, no.  In his mind, yes.

I never intended to hurt Henry.  It was now something I felt I was doing over and over again.  I dealt him a crushing blow.  He left, in tears and drove to his parent’s house.  I felt like the worst human being ever to walk the Earth.

It was now 6 a.m.  Crying, I cracked the door to my parent’s room.  They asked me what was going on.

“We’re getting divorced.” I told them.

Merry effing Christmas.

You’ll Know…You’ll Just Know

I had the purest of intentions on my wedding day. I wanted to get married and I wanted to marry Henry.  It was a dream day full of the most joy I have ever felt in my life.  We were surrounded by the most important people in our lives.  It was a day of love to the fullest extent.

It wasn’t until a few years later that became aware of feeling differently about Henry.  When these moments rose up, they scared me and I would simply ignore them.  How could this be?  We met and married four year later and here I was a year or so later feeling…holy shit, feeling doubt? Things he used to do that I found cute or funny were no longer cute or funny to me.

The red flags began to wave very high during this time as I no longer wanted to be intimate with Henry. In some ways I just wanted to ignore what was happening but you just can’t out run the truth. I could not turn my head from this feeling. And when we were intimate, I just went through the motions so it would be over. I didn’t kiss him the same way, I didn’t look at him the same way, and I realized I didn’t love him the same way either.  What the hell was happening?

On several occasions Henry would ask me about my level of attraction toward him because he too was aware.  I lied. I flat out lied to him, and to me.  I was not being true to myself and I certainly was not speaking my truth. Who was I to speak my truth?  I was scared.  So scared of Henry’s reaction to all of this. So scared of the repercussions if I did tell him.  Fear…living in so much fear.  This is not a good space to be in.

Things became too comfortable, we took each other for granted and never really fully appreciated one another.  I felt as if I was always second choice to his work.  I was sick and tired of picking up after both of us, cooking, cleaning, just EVERYTHING.  I remember saying to myself a few times, ‘If this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my life, I’m in trouble.’ And I was.

And while there is much to discuss about my relationship with Henry PRE-wedding, I want to begin in the January of 2014.

Let’s go back, shall we?