Disappearing Acts in Dating – Ghosting

Let’s talk about it…has it happened to you?  Is it happening to you now with a woman you like? Or worse yet, have you actually done this to a woman? One moment you’re having dinner with someone on a date, hoping this will go somewhere and the next moment you never hear from them again. The term in the dating/relationship world is called ghosting.

What is ghosting exactly?  According to our friends over at Urban Dictionary  , ghosting is the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone. Let’s say the subject is dating and you no longer wish to date the other person. So then, you ghost them.  You cease all communication in hopes the other person gets the hint and will leave you alone (for good) instead of having an actual adult conversation with them to let them know you’re no longer interested.

Immature? Yes.

Some people feel ghosting someone will hurt their feelings less when in actuality, it can cause major confusion on behalf of the ghostee. This is a serious lack of communication skills from the ghoster and aside from a sense of confusion, the ghostee also never gets closure on the situation and is left in a state of bewilderment. The lack of ‘why’ is frustrating.

The world of dating is not an easy one and in a day and age where we can just ‘shut someone off’ by unfriending them, blocking them or ignoring takes the core element of relating and communicating to a whole sinking low level.

There are other ways to tell someone you’re dating that you are no longer interested in them:

  1. Have an actual face to face conversation (it’s a new thing)
  2. Have an actual phone conversation (remember talking?…on the phone?)
  3. Pass them a note in the hallway between classes

In a time of easy outs, expressing your opinion hiding behind your laptop and ghosting, it’s time to take the high road when it comes to relationships and letting someone ‘down’ easy.  Pull up the big boy/girl panties and be an adult about it.  If you’re adult enough to enter into a relationship, you’re also adult enough to exit one.

If you feel are experiencing relationship issues of any kind, I can help.  You can schedule an appointment with me for a psychic relationship/love reading by visiting HERE.

 

 

 

‘I Believe My Future is Bigger Than My Past’

I do believe my future is bigger than my past.  As soon as I heard these words spoken by Steve Gleason in his documentary titled, Gleason, it struck a chord within me. There are so many times in life when we are so hyper-focused upon the mistakes we have made.  We focus upon our failed relationships, our lost opportunities and the should’ves, could’ves, would’ves.

Little do most people know that those moments in life when we feel our failures will completely ruin us, they can actually be blessings in disguise.  Did you ever stop to think that maybe a relationship failed because growth was completed by both people involved and a better, healthier relationship was waiting for each?  Each person experienced what they needed to in the relationship and now it was time to move on.  Or perhaps a lost opportunity was a door closing and even though it was horrendous to experience and go through, little did you know an amazing and more fulfilling opportunity was just around the corner.

It’s okay to live in the past for the sake of recognizing the lesson each situation you’ve experienced has provided for you and even to be grateful for those lessons. It’s why you’ve had those experiences, although at the time, when you’re going through it, it is the last thing you’re thinking about. The moments when you’re in it so deeply, you don’t even know what the light looks like at the end of the tunnel as you dig your way out of the darkness. You see, that’s the thing…that darn light.  In the moments of rock bottom, just see it, envision that light.  Even if the light that shines through for you is simply the size of a pinhole, at least it is there.  Truth?  It’s always been there because it resides within you. Once you begin to realize this, it makes putting one foot in front of the other a bit easier.

I believe my future is bigger than my past because I refuse to allow my past to define the direction of where I want to go in my life, who I want to have along for the journey, and the opportunities I have yet to experience.  Society tells us that you have to have your successes accomplished within a specific age range and I just don’t agree with that.  There is still much love to give and to receive, there is much that has yet to be accomplished, there is much to see, there is a lot of life to be lived and yes, there are even more lessons to be learned.

What we do need to take away from our past is what we have learned and to recognize the growth that has occurred. Use those lessons to be more aware of the actions you take moving forward so you’re able to make the right decisions for yourself to enjoy deeper, more fulfilling experiences.

MotherLover

Throughout my life, I have always tried to do the right thing, have the right job, live the right kind of life that appeared most of society was living, graduate college, score some jobs, work my way into and up the ladder of my career, then meet someone, get married, have kids, grow older, grow old and eventually transition from this lifetime.

Most of those things I mentioned above I have done, however, my marriage did not work out, which really was the best thing for me in the long run.  I was just not happy. However, I always thought I would have my own biological children.  If you know me, you know that is that is not the case. My ex-husband and I did not have them.

While I celebrate Mother’s Day because I have the most amazing mother in the world, it is still a day/weekend that brings heaviness to my heart and I have come to dread it.

I will never hear a child call me Mom and know I can turn around to see my own son or daughter looking back at me. It simply wasn’t in God’s plan for me in this lifetime.  And while I feel that I have surrendered to peace with this fact, it is still quite difficult for me at times.

I will never know what it feels like to love another human with 100% unconditional love. Some may say you can love your partner or spouse this way, but in my eyes, it is just not the same. I daydream and wonder about what it must be like to assist and help mold a child into a young adult allowing them to spread their wings and fly, all the while knowing I have their back, so to speak, no matter what.  Knowing I will never have the memories of raising a child through the good and tough times, through the laughter and the tears, through the trials and tribulations of growing up is what hurts my heart the most.

A child is truly an extension of you in tangible life form. I can only imagine what it must feel like to have this little person look up to you and want to be with you no matter what in those younger years. And how remarkable it must be to watch a child grow up into an adult.  I simply cannot imagine.

Yes, I have two fur babies whom I completely adore but it is just not the same. And there may be some who consider me to be the lucky one with no true commitment, so to speak. I have nothing holding me to an area and I can do whatever I want at any time.  And yes, this is nice but truthfully?  I would much rather trade places with you.

The tears I shed behind closed doors are my grieving battle scars. God has a plan for me, as she does for you, I just wish I had the road map. Do not feel as if these words are pity words.  Pity is what I am not seeking. I speak my truth from what my heart feels. My life is a result of the choices and decisions I have made.  The outcomes are the lessons I learn from so I can put one foot in front of the other each day.

Time to Lay it Down

Few really truly know me. Even less actually ‘get’ me.  And by getting me, I mean know the true essence of who I am, what I stand for, what I believe in…what makes me tick…on the soul level.

Perhaps I have not let many in to be able to fully reveal myself. I’m aware that I do this as a defense mechanism for fear of being judged, not accepted or approved of. I’ve struggled with this my entire life.

Throughout my life I’ve been a people pleaser; always seeking to make others happy so they are not disappointed in me.  This behavior occurred in my relationships ranging from family to friends to my ‘romantic’ relationships. I’ve recognized this pattern of behavior within myself a few years ago.  I’m aware of it, yet at times it still rears it’s ugly head to challenge me to break the pattern. I no longer want to care what others think of my choices, decisions, my way of thinking, my spiritual beliefs. I no longer want to care what others think of me.  I am no longer seeking approval for the choices and decisions I make for myself.  I always respect the opinions of others, however my feeling is if someone does not agree with something I say, do or feel, that is on them, that is not on me.  It is no longer a burden of responsibility that I am willing to carry as it has gotten too heavy to bear and I am laying it down.

I am a deeply sensitive being. Like a badge of honor, I wear my emotions on my sleeve for the world to see.  I not only feel what I feel, most times, I also feel what you feel. My heart overflows with a sense of responsibility to care for many; to be the Light that shines in your moment of darkness.  Yet, at times, I too seek to find that Light in my moments of darkness.

Behind the closed doors in the sacred sanctuary of my apartment I cry with you, I smile with you, I hurt with you and I laugh with you. Tears are shed…a release. Releasing the emotions that I feel, is such a good, healthy thing to do because I simply don’t want them to get rooted within me. Many do not understand this and many never will.

I am a positive, kind person who does my best to see the good in people and situations.  Having a positive perspective on life can be difficult at times as I am human, just like you.  I have my own dragons to slay and some just don’t understand this. I share my outlooks with others in hopes it will help them for a moment in their day and perhaps they will, in turn, pay it forward.  It only has to begin with one person.  My perspective is, if I help one person, animal, etc, it will have a ripple effect and the gesture is much grander in the big picture then in the actual moment.

The journey I have been on since I moved to North Carolina has not been easy.  It has been an introspective map leading me to have met the most beautiful people, experience amazing moments, and it has allowed me to find out who I am and what I want from my life. Now at forty-four years young, I am beginning to understand who I really am and what my soul’s purpose is.

As I move forward, one foot in front of the other, I grow into the human that I was meant to become in this lifetime. Not everyone will understand and that is okay.  At times, I don’t even understand and in those moments I pause, take a deep breath, ask for Guidance, trust and continue with my journey.

 

The Story of Milo

Along with my messages and my own thoughts, I am feeling it is time to tell Milo’s story and how he has changed me forever.  I will be posting his journey, more specifically his journey with cancer so that I may share my love for him, his love for me and my love for you allowing me to pass along the information I have learned when you hear those awful and dreaded words…’Your dog has cancer.’  It is my hopes that I will be able to help those dog parents who just don’t know what to do.

This is Milo’s story.

Three months into our newly adopted status, I was beginning to think we had made a grave error in adopting Milo.  I’ve never had the experience of being the guardian for a true hound dog and was in unchartered territory.  This dog was a nut job.  Truly.

Then I had the lightbulb moment.

He was adopted by someone before we adopted him and then returned.  When I called to find out the reason(s) Milo was returned, I was told it was for behavior issues.  Okay, this made sense to me.  Clearly, the person who adopted him was in the same boat I was finding myself in.  But I was different.  I was going to take the time it was needed to help Milo with his behavior and allow Milo to truly shine as the amazing creature he is.  He just needed a chance and I was not going to give up on him as someone else did.

So we took classes with professionals and practiced…a lot!  I trained him on my own as well, teaching him amazing tricks because this one…oh my, THIS one was smart.  Incredibly smart.

His hound-ness embodied his essence and his nose to ground tracking abilities were astonishing to be witness to. For when he got on a scent, he was in heaven doing exactly what he his breed was born to do.  Track and hunt.

There were moments we would look at Milo as he was lounging and note that he belonged on the cover of Fox and Hound Magazine.  He is such a magnificent creature to watch.  His musculature, his stature, his charisma, his humor, his personality, his knowing, his loving will never in a million years be matched by another.

Milo is truly an angel sent to me by God.  It wasn’t until recent events transpired that I really, REALLY understood what this all meant.  With one look of his eyes into mine, I see the depth of a soul so wise and so knowing.  With one look of his eyes into mine, I hear the questions he is asking of me.  With one look of his eyes into mine, I feel his unconditional, pure love for me…just as I have for him.

With one look of his eyes into mine, I am home.

A Message for All

Your life’s lesson is boundaries. It will come in different forms and packages. Use your discernment to recognize the lesson and do not be so quick to just let anyone in. Speak your truth about your feelings. Do so in a kind and gentle way as others are learning from you too.

Where there is oneness the heart is open. You are not separate but at times you think you are.  That is the ego. Release and forgive. Heal from the lessons in your past so you can easily move forward along your path. The path toward enlightenment. Rest assured you have all that you need within you. Don’t be so quick to seek, seek, seek when the answers are in your heart. Connect to your heart every single day and the only person you shall seek is yourself.

Trust what you are getting, for it is real. Release doubt and self-judgement. Purpose, purpose, purpose…be purposeful. And dare to dream. No one can put out the light that is in your heart, Dear One. In fact, they are all drawn to it. A moth to the flame.

Be still, be silent and listen.

As so it is.

Today’s Goddess Message

Cerridwen: Death and Rebirth

 

I give you life

I give you death

it is all one

You travel the spiral path

the eternal path

that is existence

ever becoming

ever growing

ever changing

Nothing dies that is not reborn

nothing is born that does not die

When you come to me

I welcome you home

then I take you into my womb

my cauldron of transformation

where you are stirred and sifted

blended and boiled

melted and mashed

reconstituted then recycled

You always come back to me

you always go forth renewed

Death and Rebirth are but points of transition

along the Eternal Path

Meaning of this card:

Cerridwen’s appearance in your life heralds a time of death and rebirth. Something is dying and needs to be let go of, so something new can be born. We know the earth’s dance of death and rebirth as the seasons. Matter cannot be created or destroyed, but undergoes transformation.  So do we. To live fully and in wholeness we need to accept life in all that it is, which includes death and rebirth. Let go of what does not serve you and your wholeness.

Perhaps you have reached the end of a cycle, a relationship, a job, and you fear letting it go.  Or feel that you are dying, when only a piece of you needs to give way to the new. Perhaps the idea that there is death and only death is too painful for you to accept. Living in a patriarchal culture has deprived most of us of the Goddess’s way of death and rebirth. Wholeness is achieved when we can say yes and do our dance of death and rebirth. Cerridwen says you will always get back what you give to me. It will be changed, it will be transformed, but you will get it back.

I Am Enough, I Am Always Enough.

There is a light that shines in the center of your Being that needs to be shining brighter. Open your heart center to new, loving experiences and new loving people. Watch who you so freely shine your heart light for not everyone is as open as you. They will take a piece of your light.  Have discernment for who you bring into your precious world, space and hearts.

You are a beacon of light for the world.  Connect your light with the light of the world and together darkness will be uprooted. Where there is darkness there can always be light.

Take heed of others and follow your guidance system. Love is the only way. Love is the only way.  Forgive and love.

Desire peace of mind, peace of heart and peace of the world.

Don’t look to the mirror for your reflection as your true reflection shines through your heart. That is who you really are. Share your reflection with the world.

And so it is.