Learning to Trust Yourself

Learning to trust yourself can be quite the obstacle to overcome in life. Some people have no issues with this at all but on the flip side, many struggle making decisions and being at peace in knowing the right decision was made.

There are many outside influences that can have dramatic effects on how you feel before, during and after making big life decisions. The first thing to realize is that you matter and what you want from your life does too. You need to seriously assess where you are in your life, where you want to go, what responsibilities you currently are obligated to and then all of the other details associated with it. One other thing to consider is how your decision will perhaps affect others in your life.

For example, my life has been filled with wanting to always please other people and most times, never putting myself first. When I made the decision to move to Costa Rica from the United States in August 2017, I knew in my heart of hearts it was the right thing to do for me. I had limited responsibilities in my life during this time but I also knew deciding to move would impact my family and my dogs. I was being pulled by the Universe to make this move, to trust myself, to trust in the process and the guidance I was receiving, even if it meant my heart was being broken because I knew I had to give guardianship of my two dogs to my ex-husband. It was now his turn and time to care for them during their precious senior years. Not only that, but also knowing I would be saying, ‘See you soon’ to my very beloved family and friends immediately brought tears to my eyes.

Will you have naysayers? Yes, you will. There is no way around it. When you begin to hear the negative chatter surrounding the decision you made, you can rest assured that most people saying things to you have your best interest at heart. Whatever reason it is that they feel compelled to share their opinion, you WILL hear their voices in your head, you WILL question yourself, you WILL doubt. Rest assured, this is where learning to trust yourself and standing in your power of your decision will keep you grounded so you can continue to move forward along your chosen path.

This is your life. No one will ever have the exact same experiences that you have living your life and being your true authentic self. Don’t live your life being in the passenger seat while allowing someone else to drive for you. You’re not going to be on your death bed regretting all the things you did but you will be on your death bed regretting all of those experiences you did not do. Don’t have regret. Don’t live in fear. You only have one lifetime. Learning to trust in yourself is what will make your life such an amazing experience for you. Lay on your death bed with a huge grin on your face knowing you lived your life for you; knowing you enjoyed the ride and experiences; knowing you made a difference; knowing you loved hard; knowing you trusted yourself.

‘I Believe My Future is Bigger Than My Past’

I do believe my future is bigger than my past.  As soon as I heard these words spoken by Steve Gleason in his documentary titled, Gleason, it struck a chord within me. There are so many times in life when we are so hyper-focused upon the mistakes we have made.  We focus upon our failed relationships, our lost opportunities and the should’ves, could’ves, would’ves.

Little do most people know that those moments in life when we feel our failures will completely ruin us, they can actually be blessings in disguise.  Did you ever stop to think that maybe a relationship failed because growth was completed by both people involved and a better, healthier relationship was waiting for each?  Each person experienced what they needed to in the relationship and now it was time to move on.  Or perhaps a lost opportunity was a door closing and even though it was horrendous to experience and go through, little did you know an amazing and more fulfilling opportunity was just around the corner.

It’s okay to live in the past for the sake of recognizing the lesson each situation you’ve experienced has provided for you and even to be grateful for those lessons. It’s why you’ve had those experiences, although at the time, when you’re going through it, it is the last thing you’re thinking about. The moments when you’re in it so deeply, you don’t even know what the light looks like at the end of the tunnel as you dig your way out of the darkness. You see, that’s the thing…that darn light.  In the moments of rock bottom, just see it, envision that light.  Even if the light that shines through for you is simply the size of a pinhole, at least it is there.  Truth?  It’s always been there because it resides within you. Once you begin to realize this, it makes putting one foot in front of the other a bit easier.

I believe my future is bigger than my past because I refuse to allow my past to define the direction of where I want to go in my life, who I want to have along for the journey, and the opportunities I have yet to experience.  Society tells us that you have to have your successes accomplished within a specific age range and I just don’t agree with that.  There is still much love to give and to receive, there is much that has yet to be accomplished, there is much to see, there is a lot of life to be lived and yes, there are even more lessons to be learned.

What we do need to take away from our past is what we have learned and to recognize the growth that has occurred. Use those lessons to be more aware of the actions you take moving forward so you’re able to make the right decisions for yourself to enjoy deeper, more fulfilling experiences.

Time to Lay it Down

Few really truly know me. Even less actually ‘get’ me.  And by getting me, I mean know the true essence of who I am, what I stand for, what I believe in…what makes me tick…on the soul level.

Perhaps I have not let many in to be able to fully reveal myself. I’m aware that I do this as a defense mechanism for fear of being judged, not accepted or approved of. I’ve struggled with this my entire life.

Throughout my life I’ve been a people pleaser; always seeking to make others happy so they are not disappointed in me.  This behavior occurred in my relationships ranging from family to friends to my ‘romantic’ relationships. I’ve recognized this pattern of behavior within myself a few years ago.  I’m aware of it, yet at times it still rears it’s ugly head to challenge me to break the pattern. I no longer want to care what others think of my choices, decisions, my way of thinking, my spiritual beliefs. I no longer want to care what others think of me.  I am no longer seeking approval for the choices and decisions I make for myself.  I always respect the opinions of others, however my feeling is if someone does not agree with something I say, do or feel, that is on them, that is not on me.  It is no longer a burden of responsibility that I am willing to carry as it has gotten too heavy to bear and I am laying it down.

I am a deeply sensitive being. Like a badge of honor, I wear my emotions on my sleeve for the world to see.  I not only feel what I feel, most times, I also feel what you feel. My heart overflows with a sense of responsibility to care for many; to be the Light that shines in your moment of darkness.  Yet, at times, I too seek to find that Light in my moments of darkness.

Behind the closed doors in the sacred sanctuary of my apartment I cry with you, I smile with you, I hurt with you and I laugh with you. Tears are shed…a release. Releasing the emotions that I feel, is such a good, healthy thing to do because I simply don’t want them to get rooted within me. Many do not understand this and many never will.

I am a positive, kind person who does my best to see the good in people and situations.  Having a positive perspective on life can be difficult at times as I am human, just like you.  I have my own dragons to slay and some just don’t understand this. I share my outlooks with others in hopes it will help them for a moment in their day and perhaps they will, in turn, pay it forward.  It only has to begin with one person.  My perspective is, if I help one person, animal, etc, it will have a ripple effect and the gesture is much grander in the big picture then in the actual moment.

The journey I have been on since I moved to North Carolina has not been easy.  It has been an introspective map leading me to have met the most beautiful people, experience amazing moments, and it has allowed me to find out who I am and what I want from my life. Now at forty-four years young, I am beginning to understand who I really am and what my soul’s purpose is.

As I move forward, one foot in front of the other, I grow into the human that I was meant to become in this lifetime. Not everyone will understand and that is okay.  At times, I don’t even understand and in those moments I pause, take a deep breath, ask for Guidance, trust and continue with my journey.


The Story of Milo

Along with my messages and my own thoughts, I am feeling it is time to tell Milo’s story and how he has changed me forever. I will be posting his journey, more specifically his journey with cancer so that I may share my love for him, his love for me and my love for you allowing me to pass along the information I have learned when you hear those awful and dreaded words…’Your dog has cancer.’ It is my hopes that I will be able to help those dog parents who just don’t know what to do.

This is Milo’s story.

Milo and Boris were always thick as thieves.  Especially as younger pups.  They would always play and frolic together as well as snuggle together when resting.  They have always gone together like peas and carrots, peanut butter and jelly…salt and pepper. I can honestly say I cannot fathom my life without both of them physically in it.  And I know that will be a reality in my not too distant future.

Coming to this truth has not been easy for me.  In fact, a part of me still wishes the three of us will all die together in this life (at the same time).  Not one before the other, before the other.

I know we as humans have such a difficult time with the death of a loved one.  I know Milo will be with me forever, even in Spirit, but at times, it is hard to accept.

It still doesn’t make it any easier as I’m strolling down memory lane. Milo and Boris would get into everything together.  Milo would be the brains of the operation while Boris would be the distractor.

So when I would come home and there would be ‘stuff’ strewn all over my floor from Milo counter surfing, Boris would OVERLY greet me with JOYOUS cries of relief that I was home.  That would be until I found the mess…but Boris would carry on even louder at that point all the while ‘protecting’ his brother.

As younger dogs they would wrestle like crazy mad!  At first it would scare the daylights out of me as it sounded like there was a serious fight going on…but there wasn’t.  Just two dogs playing like dogs.

They played this way for a very long time.  It wasn’t until a little less than two years ago we noticed a difference in the play.  Milo just did not want to any longer. Boris would playfully attack him and Milo just sits.  I personally feel it is just Milo can’t handle Boris jumping on him any more.  It breaks my heart because I will always remember them as two young, vivacious creatures full of life and energy.  And now we’ve practically come full circle.  My heart is full of love because I am the blessed one having them in my life.

Please enjoy more photos:

The Story of Milo

Along with my messages and my own thoughts, I am feeling it is time to tell Milo’s story and how he has changed me forever.  I will be posting his journey, more specifically his journey with cancer so that I may share my love for him, his love for me and my love for you allowing me to pass along the information I have learned when you hear those awful and dreaded words…’Your dog has cancer.’  It is my hopes that I will be able to help those dog parents who just don’t know what to do.

This is Milo’s story.

Milo meandered his way into my heart little by little, moment by moment until his paw prints made so many indentations, you could not tell one memory apart from the other.  I kept my promise to him to be the best Mom and guardian I could be and do anything I could within my power to take care of him and love him…just the way he is.

And in turn, he has taught me so many lessons.  Lessons on patience, love, pin pointed focus, humor and determination just to name a few. Some of these lessons seem very on the surface and they were.  They were quite obvious.  Others, ran as deep as my soul and would not be brought into my awareness until much later.

I want to share one of those moments with you.  What I am about to share is from the amazing animal communicator, Diane Jackson from www.AnimalMessengers.com.

In early December, I had the chance to ask Milo a few questions through Diane.  This is what transpired.

‘When I first called Milo, he stepped forward and Boris came with him. Boris wanted to know if he could talk too.  I told him that him that he was more than welcome to chime in anytime. Boris said he often likes to be the comedian because Milo can get too serious about things. (Although Milo says he has a great comedic sense too). Milo might not show it outwardly but inwardly he is concerned about taking care of everything and everybody. Although that can be a huge responsibility, Milo wouldn’t have it any other way. He is proud of the way he does his ‘job’.  The problem is taking on too much emotional and energetic responsibility can be difficult for a physical body to process.  Milo says he really likes being the keeper of the energies in the household. He feels that it is an important part of his purpose in being with his family. Boris said he thinks that we should all help Milo understand that no one expects him to take all that on.  He said, “Me and Mom just want Milo to he happy and healthy.”

Question: Your Mom Wants to Know How You Are Feeling?

‘Truthfully, I am kind of frustrated. I need for my body to be stronger and it just doesn’t seem to be able to keep up with all the work I do. (What kind of work are you talking about?) I am responsible for the emotional well-being of everyone in my family. I worry about them a lot and I often feel that I really can’t help them as much as I want to. I came to this family with a commitment to anchor peace and stability in our home environment. That can take a lot of physical and emotional energy. My heart and mind are fully up to the job. But my body, unfortunately, seems to pay a price for all the energies I so willingly take on.’

Question: Are You In Any Pain?

‘I have some minor physical discomfort. But I really try not to focus on that. My discomfort comes from a place of emotional distress when I feel like I can’t balance the energies the way I think they should be. I try to keep a lot of my distress to myself, because my Mom worries about me enough as it is. I only want her to feel happy all the time.’

Question: Is There Anything That You Need or Want? Anything Else You Want Your Mom to Know?

‘Yes! My Mom worries too much about me and Boris. She tries so hard to give us everything we need. Sometimes she gives too much. She prioritizes for others way more than she does for herself. One of the many lessons I am teaching her is about the importance of loving yourself and having good emotional boundaries. Good boundaries can be hard when you really love those you are in relationship with. I am a good example of over-giving and not having those boundaries. Although my heart is in the right place, I simply take on too much. I have no regrets about that though. I am a constant mirror of important information for my Mom and for Boris. The real lesson is about finding true alignment in all aspects of your Being. That means all the various energetic and emotional systems are working harmoniously with one another. When the body comes up with an illness, it is only the body’s way of communicating that something needs attention. There is always an emotional correlation with the physical issue. So it is important to address the core issue at the room of the physical problem. That often means sniffing out any places where emotions are hiding and set them free. I have been very good out sniffing out, but not always great at setting the emotions free. So you can see that I am the consummate teacher of many important life lessons. My Mom needs to know that all I do is out of my infinite love for her.’

Question: Boris, Are You Going to be Okay When Milo Transitions to the Heavenly Realms?

‘I am much stronger than my Mom thinks I am. I tend to stay in Milo’s shadow a bit right now because I know that my doing that is important for him right now. He needs to feel that he is the leader and that he is doing a great job. Of course I miss my friend when he leaves, but I also know that he will still be with us – just not in his dog suit. I will admit that I would like a new friend to play with at some point when my Mom is ready. Milo said he doesn’t want us hanging around grieving his loss. He said he will come back in a different dog suit. He said that Mom will know it’s him when she sees him.  He will give Mom a look that will give her the shivers.’

Milo’s beautiful reading was read out loud in a room of about 15-20 people.  Most of them had tears in their eyes upon the end of the reading, myself included.

Milo only goes to prove to me, yet again, what a wise, old soul he is.

The Story of Milo

Along with my messages and my own thoughts, I am feeling it is time to tell Milo’s story and how he has changed me forever.  I will be posting his journey, more specifically his journey with cancer so that I may share my love for him, his love for me and my love for you allowing me to pass along the information I have learned when you hear those awful and dreaded words…’Your dog has cancer.’  It is my hopes that I will be able to help those dog parents who just don’t know what to do.

This is Milo’s story.

Three months into our newly adopted status, I was beginning to think we had made a grave error in adopting Milo.  I’ve never had the experience of being the guardian for a true hound dog and was in unchartered territory.  This dog was a nut job.  Truly.

Then I had the lightbulb moment.

He was adopted by someone before we adopted him and then returned.  When I called to find out the reason(s) Milo was returned, I was told it was for behavior issues.  Okay, this made sense to me.  Clearly, the person who adopted him was in the same boat I was finding myself in.  But I was different.  I was going to take the time it was needed to help Milo with his behavior and allow Milo to truly shine as the amazing creature he is.  He just needed a chance and I was not going to give up on him as someone else did.

So we took classes with professionals and practiced…a lot!  I trained him on my own as well, teaching him amazing tricks because this one…oh my, THIS one was smart.  Incredibly smart.

His hound-ness embodied his essence and his nose to ground tracking abilities were astonishing to be witness to. For when he got on a scent, he was in heaven doing exactly what he his breed was born to do.  Track and hunt.

There were moments we would look at Milo as he was lounging and note that he belonged on the cover of Fox and Hound Magazine.  He is such a magnificent creature to watch.  His musculature, his stature, his charisma, his humor, his personality, his knowing, his loving will never in a million years be matched by another.

Milo is truly an angel sent to me by God.  It wasn’t until recent events transpired that I really, REALLY understood what this all meant.  With one look of his eyes into mine, I see the depth of a soul so wise and so knowing.  With one look of his eyes into mine, I hear the questions he is asking of me.  With one look of his eyes into mine, I feel his unconditional, pure love for me…just as I have for him.

With one look of his eyes into mine, I am home.

The Story of Milo

Along with my messages and my own thoughts, I am feeling it is time to tell Milo’s story and how he has changed me forever.  I will be posting his journey, more specifically his journey with cancer so that I may share my love for him, his love for me and my love for you allowing me to pass along the information I have learned when you hear those awful and dreaded words…’Your dog has cancer.’  It is my hopes that I will be able to help those dog parents who just don’t know what to do.

This is Milo’s story.

When animals enter your life and join you as a companion for however many years we are lucky enough to have them on this Earth, one more than likely believes you’re saving the animal.  True, yes you are in many ways, especially if you are adopting/rescuing.  My experience with my dogs has led me to believe likewise, for they have truly rescued me in more ways than one.  Each and every one of them.

When my Bosco passed away in 2008, I thought I, myself, might also die from the heartache and grief  I was experiencing.  The house was just so quiet.  The energy was different, so very different.  It was just three months later we decided to start seeking out shelters and rescues to see what we could find.  Little did we know stepping foot onto the property of LaMancha Animal Rescue on a summer day in 2008 would change our lives forever.

A former horse farm, this rescue was so beautiful with stables and barns and pastures abound.  We were quickly led to the puppy area where I met Boris for the first time and knew we were meant to be.  But then we decided to go to the older dog area where dogs one year and older were waiting to find their forever home.

We came upon a stall that was empty but the name card read ‘Socks’ (Milo).  And the breed mix was a hound/great dane mix.  Then he came prancing in.  With a red coat and white underbelly, this very thin dog just did not seem to be enjoying his stay.  We were definitely interested in spending some time with ‘Socks’ and learned in order for us to adopt both dogs, we had to walk them together in the fenced enclosure to make sure they got along.   And they sure did.

With the paperwork filled out and no, and I mean NO dog or puppy supplies, we loaded them into our car for a new life of adventures and memories.

And that is how we all met.

Milo came to be Milo and not Socks all because we wanted to name him Baxter.  We had a Bosco who passed, a cat name Bug, the puppy was named Boris and therefore we wanted to continue with the alliteration of names.  It wasn’t until I started reading Milo’s vet records that I realized he had been adopted out and returned and that the patient’s name on the records I was reading was Milo…not Socks.

We put it to a test.  Todd was slated with called him Baxter to see how he would respond and I was slated with calling him Milo.  He was not responding to Baxter yet as soon as I called out Milo, he turned his head so quickly you could have felt the breeze.

Milo it was, Milo it is, Milo it will forever be.