Self-worth. The loss of it can have dramatic effects on how people view themselves in relationships and can often lead to being ‘stuck’ in unhealthy relationships from verbal and mental abuse, to physical and emotional abuse. I’m going to be talking about women in this post because the majority of questions I get from my work as a Spiritual Advisor with PsychicTXT are from women…mainly those in their twenties and thirties.
The questions I get from them are mostly about romance and the men they currently have or want in their lives. And each time I read a question from someone to help provide them with guidance, it truly pains my heart. It takes all of my will to not reach through my cell phone to them to just hug and hold them. Somewhere along the way they have lost their self-worth which truly is a sense of your value or worth as a person. What I find happening is they are putting all of their energy into relationships and men who are not for their Highest Good. The women feel if it is not this person then there will be no other man on the planet, in this lifetime, who will want them. They are putting their value and worth in the opinion, the actions and words of the other person in the relationship. This is not healthy and a guaranteed one way ticket to co-dependency.
I encounter many women in relationships whose boyfriend, spouse, or partner is treating them poorly and/or cheating on them. And I am asked if the guy will come back to them or what they have done to make the guy do these things (because heaven forbid someone take responsibility for their actions/words). These relationships are making women question everything about themselves and why they are not good enough in the eyes of their partner. And it breaks my heart.
It all begins with self-love. Self-love is the big trunk of the tree with self-worth, self-care, self-empowerment and all of the other selves being the branches that stretch out from the trunk. The trunk needs to be solid with a firm foundation for the branches of the tree to survive. If the foundation is not solid, the tree may crumble and take quite a long time to heal and become whole again.
How does one go about practicing self-love? My mom told me once, there are only three people I need be concerned with and that is Me, Myself and I. I will never forget her telling me this. Although I learned many lessons from my personal experience, these three people always stay close to me…because Me, Myself and I IS me.
Setting boundaries in ALL relationships is one of the factors that go into self-love. It’s important to do this so people know where you stand with them and they do not walk all over you. At times it is difficult to set boundaries (especially with loved ones) but once they are set (and limits will be tested in some cases), it’s important adhere to them.
Remember this, you teach people how to treat you from day one of an encounter. If you allow someone to walk all over you from the beginning, they will continue to do so because you have not set the boundary with them. If you constantly give, give, give in the beginning of a relationship and are not receiving anything in return (an energy exchange), you will get burned out or worse yet, continue to give because that’s what’s expected from you. I have been there to the point of which something had to give or I was going to crack. I had nothing left to give the person I was in a relationship with at the time and ended the relationship because I was no longer giving to myself. Who was more important in this relationship? Me.
If this sounds like you, I ask you this. Get a notebook or journal. Write down ten ways you will practice self-love. If ten is too many, do five. Here are a few examples of ways you can practice self-love:
- Take time for rest and relaxation
- Buy yourself flowers
- Treat yourself to a massage
- Organize something you have been putting off (organization helps reduce stress which is self love)
- Light candles, put on your favorite music and cozy up with a great book
These are pretty easy things you can do for yourself that do not cost a lot of money.
If you are interested in learning more about how I can assist you via coaching in practicing self-love with my creation of the Exploration of the Selves, touch base with me at my website: www.StephanieDeni.com