The Power From Within

No matter what kind of relationship you have with someone, people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  In other words, it’s not just some chance encounter as nothing is ever coincidence. They are there to be your teacher so you can learn whatever lesson(s) you need to learn.  And believe it or not, you’re doing the exact same thing for them.

This got me thinking about the men that I had dated during my life and my marriage which ended officially (documents and all) in June 2017.  As I was thinking about each relationship, I noticed one common thread that was sewn throughout each one.

I gave my power away…

…to every man I was in a serious relationship with since college.

I gave my power away.  I gave my power away.  I gave my power away.

To me, this screams self-worth issues, abandonment issues (fear of losing them), and I certainly had very low self-love and actually zero self-confidence. Some of these relationships would be considered emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive, not to mention controlling and manipulative.

Thinking about this breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes as I can’t believe I allowed myself to be treated in this fashion. I did not stand up for myself and if I did, I knew I would be on the receiving end of someone screaming at me and gas lighting me. If you’re not familiar with the term gas lighting, according to google dictionary:

manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.

Isn’t that fucked up?  Just so you’re aware, this is a VERY common thing, so if you’re in a relationship where you feel this is occurring (whether you’re male or female), know that is it NOT right, NOT healthy and a form of mental abuse.

When I gave my power away, I found that I was fearful about speaking up for how I was truly feeling with specific situations. I would go along with what my partner ultimately wanted and since I was a people-pleaser their happiness always came before my own. If I did not want to do something, I would still do it…always wanting to please and then feeling like shit afterward.

I was always putting my partner first and 100% completely undermining my needs, my wants, my values, my morals, my worth, my love and my very own self-respect. Yes, there is such a thing as putting others before you, but you must know to do so without jeopardizing your own identity.  In trying to fix, to help, to rescue others, I lost myself in the process.

If you’ve ever flown on an airplane before, what do the flight attendants always tell you about the oxygen masks?

Place YOUR mask on YOU FIRST, then assist others. 

You can’t be something to someone if you aren’t something to yourself first. Learn to trust yourself.  Learn to listen to your inner guidance system because it will never steer you in the wrong direction.  It’s what most people refer to as ‘your gut.’  What does your gut tell you?  It’s time you started to listen to it because THAT is where your power lies.

 

 

 

Go With The Flow

It’s time to learn to go with the flow.  Let go of attempting to control situations in your life. How does one go about doing so? Honestly, it is not easy and it takes daily practice.  But once you release the need to control the outcome of something and relax into it, you will be surprised how quickly it comes to you.  And if not exactly what you were hoping for, it will be something better.

In any given situation between people, we are both the teacher and the student.  You’re in each other’s lives for a purpose and a time.  The poem, A Reason, Season or a Lifetime captures this beautifully. We are put on this planet, in this lifetime to learn lessons and grow.  Once you learn your lesson with a specific situation, a new opportunity may present itself to you and off you go leaving the old behind to continue fulfilling the lessons your soul needs to learn.

It’s never easy though.  As humans, we tend to live more in the future wondering, worrying, thinking…that darn thinking!  If we could only turn off the chatter (you actually can!). This will create nothing but angst and anxiety which is not something positive.  We also tend to want to control situations becoming attached to certain outcomes and therefore, that is all we can see as we trudge forward with blinders on.  This is fear based energy. You don’t want to be here.

Have you ever had a discussion with someone and you were attempting to recall a movie title and no matter how hard you concentrated at that moment and just kept thinking about it, the name of the movie never comes to you.  But then, five hours later as you’re brushing your teeth for bed, BOOM…the movie title encroaches upon your brain and you feel as if you’ve hit the jackpot.  We’ve all been there.  Why then did it come so easily to you five hours later and not in the moment when you were trying so hard to remember it?

You relaxed. You were going with the flow. That is why.

Put this into perspective in dealing with your life situations.  And if you’re finding you’re having trouble focusing on daily life activities, my suggestion to you would be to occupy your mind.  Just stay busy. Take all of that energy and focus it on your career, your family, working out, writing, anything to do with creativity also works very well. Do activities and be around people that bring you joy and happiness.  This is love based energy.  And where you want to be.

Remember, if things are meant to be, they will be.  Relax into it.